Patience is a Limited Virtue

Patience

“I no longer have patience for certain things, not because I’ve become arrogant, but simply because I reached a point in my life where I do not want to waste more time with what displeases me or hurts me. I have no patience for cynicism, excessive criticism and demands of any nature. I lost the will to please those who do not like me, to love those who do not love me and to smile at those who do not want to smile at me. I no longer spend a single minute on those who lie or want to manipulate. I decided not to coexist anymore with pretense, hypocrisy, dishonesty and cheap praise. I do not tolerate selective erudition nor academic arrogance. I do not adjust either to popular gossiping. I hate conflict and comparisons. I believe in a world of opposites and that’s why I avoid people with rigid and inflexible personalities. In friendship I dislike the lack of loyalty and betrayal. I do not get along with those who do not know how to give a compliment or a word of encouragement. Exaggerations bore me and I have difficulty accepting those who do not like animals. And on top of everything I have no patience for anyone who does not deserve my patience.” – José Micard Teixeira

We go through life with many people and issues to deal with, all at the same time without them knowing what we ourselves are going through. I recently came across this quote, originally by Portuguese born José Micard Teixeira, and as all things internet, it got misquoted as a Meryl Streep quote, but I digress. This quote, quite long and powerful, is simply titled “I no longer”. This quote speaks about how we will reach a stage in our lives where we have to let go of the things which make us unhappy. These can come in many forms, but as we all know too well, be it with family, friends or even acquaintances. As we grow and learn more about the world we constantly change who we are, our beliefs and who we want to be.

If you ask most people what they want out of life, you will hear one answer come up quite often: I want to be happy. This is in fact, a very realistic expectation of life. Of course we all want to be happy, however, it is our understanding of happiness that we don’t understand most of the time. If you were to take a cross section of society, you will see that people give different weight to different things that they consider valuable. Simply put, different people have different instant gratification needs. In other words, when they want something, they want it yesterday.

You should feel guilty for holding on to anger, but you should never feel guilty for letting go of people in your life that do not add value. Yes, sure, you may feel like you’re a terrible person for forsaking a friend, but when you think about it, their disrespect of you is them forsaking you for who you are in the first place. Rudeness and hostility should never be the answer. It is important to try to mend fences and try to be empathic of why they are acting in a certain way. We can never truly understand what another person’s motivations are, and that is why continuous dialogue is essential. People will never know what you want unless you tell them what you want. Not only is it always important to be honest with others, but more importantly with yourself.

We all come and go with empty hands into this world, so there is never a good reason to hold on to things that do not matter. A false sense of superiority or a superiority complex, is really just an insecurity complex. Do not think you are the be all and end all and expect people to pander to you all the time. When someone is nice, be thankful. Time and tide waits for no man. If you want to be loved, love in return. If you want to be understood, understand in return. Kindness is a far more valuable commodity than gold can ever be. You are not a bad person for wanting to be happy. Your happiness is key to your own wellbeing.

It is having a whole and fulfilling life that can really bring us happiness, and that happiness, although sounding like an extreme, really means to live in moderation. You will not be able to experience happiness without experiencing sadness. If you have not experienced sadness, you will not know what happiness is with nothing to compare to. Some people come into our lives as life lessons. Some bring us unbound joy and happiness, and some bring us misery and sorrow. Others may be generous, and intelligent and funny. Others may be brash and selfish and arrogant. They can give us the best and worst experiences. Hurt can come in many forms and wears many faces. Sometimes it’s more obvious, sometimes more subtle. What is key is to manage our expectations, and for the lack of a better term, be a grown up about it. Be the best version of yourself that you can be. Always choose to be an A-dult, not a B-dult.

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Nicholas Ng

Nicholas Ng is a restaurant critic, travelogue and opinion columnist which is curated on Food For Thought. He has been a freelance writer for 10 years and has previously worked as a lawyer. He currently is the Managing Director of Black Wolf Digital, a digital marketing agency.

3 Comments

  1. “Always choose to be an A-dult, not a B-dult”.

    This and so much more is how I know I’m going to love your blog!

  2. Good read as always Nick. Particularly the mention of managing expectations… Expecting you to write more on that soon. ????

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